18 January 2010, by A. Cedilla
In part 1 we identified the Gap. Today we’re taking a deeper look behind the assumptions that people use to fill the gap, and then we’ll recommend a few things you can do to deal with these assumptions.
At the very heart of it, the most common root that leaves you despairing in the gap is: Your standards are set to unrealistic levels.
Your reluctance to adjust these levels just draws out the discomfort. The real-life results can leave you still dissatisfied.
Now, dissatisfaction is actually good. Dissatisfaction can spur us on to greater effort to change things. Dissatisfaction helps change the status quo, starts revolutions, makes improvements, pushes progress.
The dark side happens when you marinate in it, seething because the world will not fit itself to your ideals of how things should be.
Quick hint 1: The world came first, and it’ll still be here long after you’re gone. Stop beating your head against the wall.
Check your assumption. Where do they come from? What are they based on?
- It’s like this because They Said So – the authorities, the media, the people in charge, those in the know. And where was your critical thinking brain filter in all this? Basically, all news is pre-digested brain bytes. Get the facts, think for yourself.
- They make it look so easy – We blame the reality shows, starting with The Swan, Extreme Makeover, Top Model….talk about unrealistic expectations, ha.
- If you don’t make it by 30, you’ll never make it at all. – *points to Hollywood, E!, Entertainment Tonight and the rest of the bright horde*
There are a lot more assumptions floating around in your had, if you make the sincere effort to root them out.
1) Examine your performance over the long haul, then 2) examine the standards you use for measurement:
- Who set them up for you the first time?
- Are they still applicable/current/useful to who you are and what you’re capable of now?
- Who are you trying to prove yourself to?
- What exactly is it are you trying to prove?
Ideal is what you want, Real is how you make it. Remember? And how you make it is how you make you.
Work creates you even as you create. Look at the people who are acclaimed for their work…like master violinists, choreographers, artisans, even carpenters… what have you. They work very hard to attain the level at where what they do looks easy.
Not all of us are willing to give up what these people did to get to their level of mastery. Mostly we’re in love with the results, not the process. We’re mesmerized by the fame, the respect,the face time (admit it), we want how easy they make it look.
And we see this inside our heads.
We don’t live it.
If we had the faintest outline of what these masters had to go through, the long lonely nights of practice, the time not spent on relationships, the time spent on pushing themselves just that one bit more…past the injuries, past the important people in their lives not understanding why they have to do this, they just have to…we’d be backing away slowly, not standing around looking with green-eyed wistfulness.
Quick hint 2: Forget taking the world by storm, setting the world on fire, making world shaking changes. (Really, what is it about the destructive images?)
Instead, make the world your partner. This brings the real and the ideal close. Will, passion and love bridges the gap.
Doing this boils down to a few things:
- Know what is it you really want, the reason behind the reason.
- Know what you’re willing to give up to get it. Learn to let those things go. You need an open hand to receive.
- Do what you need to do. If you don’t, then something else must be more important.
- Accept the results for what they are.
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